Loneliness — it doesn't always mean being alone

This is another part of our series on relationships, closeness and how the way we build relationships today is changing.

For some Poles living in Norway, loneliness has an additional dimension. Family and long-time friends have often stayed in Poland, work life takes up a significant part of the day, and creating your own circle of people from scratch in a new country is not always easy.

But does being alone really mean loneliness?

Can you feel lonely while having a partner?

Is the internet a good place to meet new people, or does it only give us the illusion of connection?

And what about real life? Where to go out to meet people, how to break your own isolation and why direct contact with another person is still so important?

We will talk about this on Friday, 18 September 2026, during another live interview on Radio Wataha.

The guest of Steve Joobs will be Magdalena R., the author of the article below.

Magdalena will also be available to you. During the program you will be able to ask questions and together examine different dimensions of loneliness, relationships and the need for closeness.

But before we meet live — we give the floor to the author.

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Text: Magdalena R.

Loneliness – it doesn't always mean being alone

I long thought that the opposite of loneliness was being with someone.

Today I no longer think so.

You can be in a relationship and feel terribly lonely.

You can sit next to someone in the same bed and have no real contact with them.

You can have a family, children, friends, hundreds of followers on social media, talk to someone every day — and at the same time have a feeling that no one really sees me.

And you can spend the whole day or the whole weekend alone, and still not feel lonely.

So today I understand that loneliness is not exclusively a lack of people.

Often it is a lack of real connection.

What loneliness means to me

Loneliness for me is a moment when I desperately need someone to be emotionally by my side, and I have no one to share it with.

It doesn't have to mean that physically no one is there.

Sometimes loneliness sounds like:

“I'd like to tell someone about it.”

“I'd like someone to hug me.”

“I'd like someone to truly understand me.”

“I'd like to have someone to share this moment with.”

But loneliness can also look completely different.

It can be when I'm among people but feel I have to put on a mask.

When I can't say what I really feel.

When no one asks how I'm really doing.

When I'm needed by everyone but I myself have no one to turn to.

And I think this is the kind of loneliness that hurts me the most.

Because one can be a very needed person and at the same time a very lonely person.

Loneliness in a relationship

This is especially important to me.

Because once I might have thought:

“If I have a partner, I won't be lonely.”

Today I know that's not true.

A partner can be physically beside you, yet emotionally very far away.

There may be someone I live with, sleep next to, eat breakfast with, raise children with and plan a future with, and yet I may feel that my emotions, needs and inner self really do not interest anyone.

That's why for me the quality of that presence is much more important than the mere presence of a person.

Can I open up?

Is anyone listening to me?

Do my emotions matter?

Can I be weak?

Can I say "I'm feeling bad today" and not be told that I'm overreacting?

Does the other person want to get to know me even when I'm not strong, smiling and full of energy?

Because loneliness within a relationship can sometimes be more painful than loneliness without a relationship.

When I'm alone, I know that I'm alone.

When I'm with someone but feel lonely, something else appears — a sense of abandonment despite the presence of another person.

There are different types of loneliness

Not all loneliness is the same.

Physical loneliness

It's simply a lack of people around.

I come home and there's no one there.

I spend the evening alone.

I have no one to go out with.

I don't have someone by my side who could just sit with me.

Such loneliness is not always something bad.

Sometimes it's a necessary space.

Emotional loneliness

For me it's a much deeper kind of loneliness.

I have people around me, but I don't have anyone with whom I can truly share my inner self.

I don't have the feeling that someone knows me.

I don't feel that I can lean on someone.

This is precisely where we need closeness the most.

Social loneliness

It's the feeling that I don't have my own group.

I don't have people I meet regularly.

I don't have a sense of belonging.

A person is a social being and needs not only one close person, but also the sense of being part of a community.

Existential loneliness

That's something else.

It's the feeling that some things in life each person must experience alone.

No one can enter my inner self and live my life for me.

No one can feel exactly what I feel.

Sometimes the question then arises:

"Can anyone really understand me fully?"

And I think the answer is: no.

But someone can try.

And it's precisely that attempt to understand that is for me one of the most beautiful forms of closeness.

Loneliness is also a social problem today

I have the impression that we are living in very strange times.

We have never had so many possibilities for contact.

Phones.

Internet.

Social media.

Messaging apps.

Video calls.

We can be in contact with someone living thousands of kilometers away within a few seconds.

And yet many people feel increasingly lonely.

Because contact does not always mean a relationship.

You can have hundreds of contacts and not have a single person you can call at two in the morning.

You can receive messages every day and not feel that someone is really interested in what's happening inside me.

You can post photos, smile, go out, travel, be active and at the same time come home with a huge emptiness.

That's why I think that one of the problems of our times is the replacement of true closeness with constant availability.

We are available all the time.

But we are not necessarily truly present.

I don't want to run away from loneliness into the first available relationship

This is one of the things life has taught me.

When we are afraid of loneliness, it's very easy to choose a person not because they truly suit us, but because their presence quiets the emptiness for a moment.

We may then accept things we normally would not accept.

We may ignore red flags.

We may rationalize someone's behavior.

We may adapt ourselves too much.

We may try to earn love.

Just so we don't return to an empty home.

But for me today something else is more important:

I prefer to be alone rather than lonely with the wrong person.

Because loneliness can be survived.

You can tame it.

You can fill it with life.

But being with someone with whom I gradually lose myself is a much greater price to pay.

Being alone does not have to be loneliness

Today I'm increasingly learning to be alone.

And I see that loneliness can also have another side.

It can be silence.

It can be rest.

It can be a walk.

It can be nature.

It can be music.

It can be dance.

It can be a moment when I don't have to explain anything to anyone.

It can be a time when I hear my own thoughts.

When I get to know myself.

When I do something simply because it brings me pleasure.

When I go out into nature and feel that I am part of something bigger.

When I dance.

When I develop my ideas.

When I create.

When I am with my children.

When I am building my life.

In such moments I may be physically alone, but I don't feel lonely at all.

How to cope with loneliness?

I don't believe that loneliness should always be immediately "killed".

Sometimes it's worth taking a closer look at it.

Ask:

What do I really need right now?

Do I need a person?

Do I need a conversation?

Touch?

A hug?

Laughter?

Getting out of the house?

Movement?

Nature?

Rest?

Or maybe I'm simply tired and need to stop?

Because sometimes we say:

"I'm lonely."

But in reality we are exhausted, overstimulated, or cut off from ourselves.

Therefore, the first step for me is learning to recognize my own need.

Loneliness cannot be cured by a partner alone

A partner can be a beautiful part of our life.

But they should not be our whole life.

We also need friendship.

Family.

Community.

Connections with people.

Passion.

Movement.

Nature.

Creativity.

Something that gives us a sense of meaning.

That's why building my own world is so important to me.

Not waiting for a man to appear who will start taking me into his life.

I want to have my own life right now.

And when the right person appears, I want to invite them into that life.

I don't want them to pull me out of it.

You can be alone and at the same time not be lonely

This is the most important discovery for me today.

I can sit alone in the evening.

I may not have a partner.

I may have no one physically beside me.

And yet I can feel gratitude.

I can feel life.

I can feel myself.

I can have a sense that my life has meaning.

I can love.

I can create.

I can grow.

I can be close to people even if they are not physically beside me.

I can be close to myself.

And then being alone is not emptiness.

It is a space.

But I also don't want to prove that I need no one

Because there is another extreme.

Today's world sometimes tells us:

“Love yourself and you need no one.”

I don't believe that.

I need people.

I need closeness.

I need touch.

I need conversation.

I need to laugh with someone.

Sometimes I need to lay my head on someone's shoulder and not have to do anything.

I need to feel that someone is there.

This is not a weakness.

This is humanity.

Self-sufficiency should not mean emotional isolation.

I want to be able to be alone, but I don't want to live without people.

I want to be independent, but I don't want to be cut off.

I want to be able to give myself security, but I also want to be able to accept it from another person.

That's why today I'm not so afraid of being alone anymore

Because I'm beginning to understand that the biggest problem is not the lack of a partner.

The biggest problem is a lack of connection — with yourself, with other people and with your own life.

And that is precisely why I no longer want to choose a person out of fear of loneliness.

I want to choose them from a place where my life already exists.

I want to say:

“I'm fine with myself. But with you it could be even more beautiful.”

Not:

“I need you for my life to have meaning.”

Only:

“My life has meaning. And I want to share it with you.”

For me, this is the difference between need and choice.

Between attachment and love.

Between running away from loneliness and consciously inviting another person into your life.

And I suppose this is what I'm learning most of all:

not to be afraid of being alone, but at the same time not to pretend that I don't need closeness.

Because you can be alone and be whole.

You can be with someone and be empty.

You can have many people around you and feel invisible.

And sometimes you can sit completely alone in silence and feel:

“I am exactly where I should be.”

Loneliness does not always say:

“You don't have anyone.”

Sometimes it says:

“You are not connected.”

And the answer does not always have to be finding a partner.

Sometimes the answer is returning to yourself.

To people.

To nature.

To movement.

To creating.

To life.

And sometimes — to the right person.

But no longer out of the need for someone to fill the void.

Only out of the desire to create together something that is greater than each of us alone.

Does loneliness simply mean the absence of a partner?

It is precisely from this question that we will begin the next conversation with Magdalena.

On Friday, September 18 we invite you to a live interview on Radio Wataha.

Steve Joobs will talk with Magdalena, among other things, about:

• how loneliness differs from consciously being alone,

• why one can be lonely even in a relationship,

• whether the internet is a good place to meet people,

• when online contact can turn into a real relationship,

• whether we still need face-to-face meetings,

• where and how to go out to meet people when our circle of acquaintances has shrunk,

• why building your own community matters,

And above all — it will be a live conversation.

If the topic of loneliness concerns you as well, you will be able to ask Magdalena your own question and join the conversation.

Friday, 18 September 2026
Radio Wataha
Steve Joobs speaks with Magdalena R.

See you live.